numbering your days
About Me
the writer
name : Benjamin
age : 17
sch : A.S.S. ,TJC

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Designer: Yukino
Codes: Lisee
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the butterfly effect
Monday, April 30, 2007
the butterfly effect
I returned from tution in an unusually crazy mood today.

Up till now i've not completed a single peice of work...unfortunately.

I'm getting that stress feeling you get when there is insufficient time to complete the neccesary task required of us.

Maths is all about practise isn't it?
I'm just wondering how much time i left to practise whatever there is , no to mention bio and chem and lit...ow wells....

Spend the entire afternoon chatting with Lyana and Candace with the most biazarre exchange of words , i've not felt that "let go-ness" in a while.

I'm sec 4 , i just realise.I'm wasting time again...i'm wasting time by typing i'm wasting time..isn't that ironical...i think it's about time we buckle down people .

Since math needs practise lets aim to complete one math paper aday.

Bio needs you to mind map all the 6 chapters and look through the Bio 5 yr series at the MCQ and the crazy essays that will turn up to freak whatever life you left out of you .

Chem....uhhhh...idk.....haha......Ms Goh gave loads of worksheet , so make the best of them.The rest is up to you to tyco your way through.

We know not what ripples one's pebbles make , whatever actions you take will have consequences unknown to you( maybe forever) but just to keep on the safe side and to keep one's conscience clear , it is best that we always stick to whats right so that whatever ripples that snake away will be good ripples from a good pebble.

This is after all a butterfly effect

I feel cramped up and stress again but i pray that i'll be able to let go once more and let these moments just be memories.


{ 6:26 AM }

Prep Prelims...
Saturday, April 28, 2007
I was pissed in the evening , and i went to run to take the piss out of me , people usually do it in the toilet but i don't really stick to conventions.

So anyways i can't really remeber nor pin point why i was angry.
While i was running , my thoughts were trying to keep up , and i was just doing really short burst and stopping, pushing my heart to the maximum, and this theory just came and smack me in the face( not literally)

Two men race down the lane of life.
One only runs into set backs, the other only beats challenges.
The latter halves his distance towards his goal each time he beats a challenge.
While the first doubles his efforts and speed each time he gets over a set back.

So who is the winner of the race?

The latter keeps on meeting challenges and beating them...but never meets any set backs
The first keeps on meeting set backs and getting over them...and everyone of them is a beaten challenge.

The latter will always be halving his way in leaps and bounds , he will Forever be 1/2 way there.
But the first will make his way there real slowly but real surely.

Eventually slow and steady wins the race.

The point in this is that , don't push and push and expect miracles to pop right into your face, expect them but you've got to look for them hard.
& when miracles do happen don't rest on your laurels, leaps and bounds get you that much closer but never there , step back to look at the bigger picture.

Take it slowly , you will get there on time eventually.


{ 7:30 AM }

A fertile( i mean fruitful) saturday
Friday, April 27, 2007
I just wanted to tell you about this certain friend , who despite all the stress and problems weighing her down has pushed pass and surpassed them all to have done well.

She had to make tough descisions last year and despite so has made marked improvements in her work. Personally i feel that if she gets below 10 for this years o levels , i would say that she has beat all those 6 pters because the determination she has would have pulled here as far as them if not for issues. Keep it up!


{ 10:19 PM }

A New Day Has Come
Vagina, penis, cervix , testis, amnion sac , epididymis.......and so on and so forth

I'm not turning into a porno-freak but this is all that has been on my mind for the past few hours since breakfast....

Ok great just great, i sound like a porno freak , but i'm not , i'm just a very sad bio student that has been force to term sex as copulation , and make it the most boring thing on the planet.....

I have officially finish 1/6 of my bio revision , and can say and know more about menstruation than you do...wait no i can't....heck!

Moving on...

I flunk the e-math test , attaining 1/4 of the total score, the answers were SO EASY!
AND like Mdm Wong said :" you'll will scream after you find out the answers" , but what was most dissapointing was that i didn't study the cummalative thingy much...and in the end i labelled the Axis wrongly.....yea...i know realllll stupid!

Ok approximately 8 hrs about 4 pm plus yesterday( forgive if i'm short circuits logic) we played SCRABBLE!
WOOHOO!HAHA but we played it MAD MONKEY STYLE! Which was why indian accented spelled words were accepted and everyone had to give up parts of their time and brain cells for dalilah to form the word "B-I-G-O-T" , i've still no idea what on earth that means.....

Basically it felt like going back to sec three except for the fact that there was no water and merlioning and we were quick to snap back to reality when uninvited guest appeared to rattle about untidy arrangement of tables..but yea tts his job..who can blame him.

Before the scrabble.....was the most toturous period of time i've had to endure, ok maybe not "most". I had to finish a chinese composition before moving on to a chinese comprehension of which i didnot complete the summary. I tell you chinese just sucks the life out of you.

Before the chinese was spiderman, same old same old...with ajay coming in just a few minutes before the show ended - typical
and after the show , louis leaving to buy food and returning a few seconds later because he stepped on his foot ( it's pretty amazing ,i'm still trying to get my head around the fact that he managed such a gymnastic feat)- typical

Before the scrabble , before the chinese , before the spiderman , was the essay......
Mmmmm...........juicy gossip.......
Some people wrote about computers and overreliance( cnt spell) , some wrote about unforgetable events , but most people wrote about some people that only some people know about despite having most people read. ( do i make sense? )

HaHA but the pt is that there were so many familiar names that wrote such beautiful essays, that simply goes to show that everyone is a concealed artist lacking a pen, and everyone can write. And also that some people just don't let go , some people just can perservere( correct spelling?)...the blond hair , mole ,vital, stats liking "Foreign Name" people and the remixing ex-crushes names people...uhh hmpptt..well i think i really said too much now. HAHA

But what is life without a little rumours and a little infatuation and a little laugther.
Note to SOME people: A LITTLE , NO NEED TO RAMBLE ABOUT ICS( unless it's to a certain keen to listen lit teacher)

Ok today's entry is SO long, well prep prelims are in 2 days your informal and formal letter format...relax your minds before starting on the free writing...happy weekends


{ 9:47 PM }

It takes two to clap
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Dear father,
I pray that we all buckle down to focus on our work ,
i pray that in all that we do, we do it to the best of our abilities.
I pray for all those who are facing difficults in every aspects of our lives , be it distractions from the computer or friends or girls/ guys ,or family problems.
I pray that these distraction are driven out of our hearts and minds , i renounce the devil and all his evil works that none shall interfere in our daily lifes , that the friends that we do not speak to , that we do not counsel personally will be ministered to by the holy spirit and have the blood of Jesus cover and cleanse them of all unrightousness.

I pray that everytime we feel like giving up , everytime a task gets too overwhelming , that we donot sit down and give up , that we persevere on, that everytime we are face with difficulty that you will turn those words into challenge.
Jesus i pray that everyone that reads this will have a change in his or her life. Most importantly i pray that i will change by your power and forgiven by your grace.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand"
Proverbs 19:21

In Jesus most precious name I pray,



{ 7:25 AM }

Friday, April 20, 2007
Ok everyone seperate your desktops , take out a mouse and a keyboard.
Don't click on the test link until told to do so, you've got 5 min , you may begin.

The friend test thing is not really a test nor really about friends , it's just entertainment, enjoy...

Off to differentiate, cya.


{ 9:27 PM }

to add
blogging is actually a very interesting way of looking at how different people's mind veiw the day's events , it's like watching the same movie from a different director's point of veiw, if you get my drift.

Ow and thanks people for tagging the tagboard! NIGHTS!


{ 6:47 AM }

I'm nuts
Math test was horribly scary , i've not sat for an e maths test before that was so terrifying.
and lit was rather exasperating nearing the end , when Her questions get a little tooooooo close for comfort, but i enjoyed the lesson , it was really fun.

Well lit is all about life isn't it?

I missed my first gold for NAPHA by like 4 cm , really! I'm not kidding , but it's not my fault i don't jump like a frog so i'm not gonna preasurize myself. In fact i've been pretty anti-preassure lately , so much so that everything is so nice , haha , and so gonna lead to not getting my 9 pts for this term, OK!

WAKE UP CALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and warning DO NOT play ANY of PAN lu's games , this is her form of entertainment and your form of humiliation.

and to end off my very tickled and painful day( cuz my back hurts ):

Behind every great man is a surprised woman
but behind every dead man is a great woman!



{ 6:36 AM }

Behind every indifferent-iation
Thursday, April 19, 2007
All by myself by Celine Dion is a beautiful song!
Especially when it comes to the part when she starts screaming. It really displays the extent of her vocal capacity.

And today the most amazing happened.. i tell you the world is coming to an end!
Our dear dear Fiona scored FULL MARKS for bio prac, the only other person being Dawn , she also did very well for the mini bio test , of which everyone did pretty well too, though some people were "emoing" despite getting acceptable grades for some weird apparent reason....
well people change but not THAT much i suppose.

Ow and i got my ass on to stage to get it shaked by P's hands, (wait i meant my hands when i said it), and say some nonsense into the microphone , but i really do want to thank Ms Sek for the tremendous amount of effort she put in to sustain us despite earlier failure. and the vouchor( cnt spell)'s usage has to be maximized.

SS lesson was most interesting today , despite receiving undeserving compliments and uneccessary comments........but all in all today was a happy day....

OK off to draw pretty circles and cummalative frequency curves, study hard people!


{ 5:10 AM }

don't wanna be
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.
It was addressed, "Mom."
With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings,
tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes.
But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy.
He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too.
Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us
and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better;
he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.

Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

I got this joke off the school forum, it's hilarious to me, but more importantly it makes us think how abnormal we are being normal. If you get my drift , what i'm saying is that we should not take for granted the normal stuff we have , because these are stuff some other people don't have.
Like limbs, food , parents etc.

Yea so go on with life smile, remind yourself that your life is pretty good , and if your parents try to disprove the above point , show them the above letter...

Your life would just most likely get better or they could imprison you in your room forever , but lets be positive.


{ 5:20 AM }

Hay Ye Marvelleto
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
We started off with history today, a rather depressing start by my standards, everyone did pitifully for the SBQ assignment with the highest being 3 and the mode being's upon 6 or 5 i think.

Chem wasnot any better , i was just really frustrated , after trying so hard i still failed the test, and somehow this was aggravated by the teacher or i channelled the stress against her which was selfish of me...but i'll learn i hope....

Math was fun as per normal , her lessons tend to be very entertaining.
English was MOST SURPRISINGLY (i'm not sure of the spelling) enjoyable , having done well for the descriptive and having Zhi An to entertain us all.

Oww and now theres only i think 2 weeks or less to our prep prelims
and Ciara's songs are nice, (a tinge of randomness to life adds excitement in case you were wondering what one earth goes on in my head.) , especially " like a boy" amd she can reaaalllyyyyy dance.

Have been receiving disturbing emails from my friends, disturbing in a good way because they scream for me to wake up to the reality that christianity isn't just about sitting around and whining everytime things don't go your way and expect God to fix everything with a snap of his finger.I would not really know how things are suppose to be, but i know one thing for sure , that is that when i'm high and smile to myself in school it's actually somehow connected to a manifestation of the holyspirit , all right shall not delve into spiritual "chimminology' but just know that the happiness i feel is so much more happier , i'm making sense am i?

Enough said! Wish Choir the best for their SYF!


{ 6:10 AM }

Grace Kelly
Friday, April 13, 2007
I could be brown
I could be blue
I could be violet sky
I could be hurtful
I could be purple
I could be anything you like
Gotta be green Gotta be mean
Gotta be everything more
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you like me?
Why dont you walk out the door!

All the things guys would do just to get the girl to like them...
It's not fair, we're at the losing end.
But we still carry on , because....i'm still trying to figure

Basically i watch the people in and out of class doing the things they do
doing the things they have done
wasted the time they have wasted
spent the energy they have
and then i look at the list of stupid things i've done

and it's not worth the time
not worth the energy
not worth the stupidity

because the girls don't get it


{ 10:27 PM }

If i wrote a note to god
Friday, April 6, 2007
I exploded on Wednesday.
Everything just came out!
It really wasn't his fault , everyone else was also making noise , but i needed to take it out on someone.
I pretty much shocked myself when i screamed at him, screams not a good word , roar was more like it, i never knew i was that terrifying, and after that i felt crappy again, to make things worse we had our 2.4 run after that, was already not feeling well , adding on the fact that i didn't eat lunch. Ran a lousy run, well that's what happens when you have all these factors weighing in on you , not to mention that "it" was there.
The night before , i took more than an hour and still i had not completed differentiation (13) , i didn't know which was shittier , the worksheet or me.
I took so darn long , and i knew it was because i wasn't focus , and i just could not seem to compel myself to do so.
There was just so much pushing and churning around inside my head , and it wasn't until Thursday that i just let everything out.
She was symphatetic enough to just listen , but i felt that i was not doing my part....
Straight after that i went for tuition , had to deal with the issue , shrinking down my sessions to once a week, she made a lot of noise about it , real noises though, a lot of the things she tried to stuff down my throat was true...what with me not focusing and taking forever to do simple shit.
Basically I'm excruciatingly crappy.

There is so much more i want out of myself , and yet so little I'm getting.
I spent a hell lot of time comparing myself to others...which I've never done before.
I don't understand whats happening to me

Beginning to understand what it means to be a loser.
A fucking loser


{ 7:20 AM }